"The principle of spending money to be paid by posterity, under the name of funding, is but swindling futurity on a large scale." --Thomas Jefferson

Tuesday, May 12

Things I'd like to say: Volume I

Cut your grass. It's springtime, grass grows and if you have a yard and don't want to mow it or pull your own weeds, either pay someone to cut it for you or have a kid. If your dandelions are lofting their seeds into the neighbor's yard, cut your grass. It's like a thong...no one wants to see that.

If you're not coming, call. If you make an appointment, either keep it or cancel it. Don't leave someone waiting for you. It's like thumbing your nose at the queen. Even if you don't like her, at least show some respect.

If you don't want someone trespassing on your land, post a no trespassing sign. I hereby pledge to go where trespassing signs are not. If you put up a sign, posting a monetary fine is a strong deterrent to potential trespassers. No one wants to see what you have on your land if they have to pay for it. That's why there's a Disneyland.

In conjunction with the no trespassing, I am not referring to private property and residences. I am referring to rural public lands such as the foothills of the mountains. I don't make it a habit of roaming through people's backyards (although it may be exciting). My city has closed it's public lands to motor vehicles by city ordinance 10.35.25.blah blah blah. Where my grandpa, father and I all played as youth is now under this new city ordinance. If it's fun, outdoors or if there is a chance someone might be hurt, please do it quickly before a city councilman gets wind of it.

If your kids are sick, leave them home! Don't bring them to church, nursery or pre-school. Your kid is sick. And now so are mine. I thank you from the bottom of my toilet.

Nursery is not a free babysitter. If you bring your kid to nursery, you dang well better go to class. If I see you in the hall chatting with billy-bob while your kids beats on everybody else's kids, there's going to be disciplinary counsel and the bishop's not going to know about it.

For crying out loud people use your turn signals! GM could stop putting them on their cars and probably save enough money to stay in business. You don't use them anyway!

2 comments:

Carlee Hoopes said...

I know you wrote this forever ago, but AMEN!

Erin said...

i kind of love lists of "things that must go," as x96's radio from hell morning show so fondly refers to them. and with the sick kids thing: you are speaking to my soul. gah!!!!