"The principle of spending money to be paid by posterity, under the name of funding, is but swindling futurity on a large scale." --Thomas Jefferson

Tuesday, December 16

Breaking News of California's New Budget Proposal for 2009

So we all know that several states are in dire need of money because they were too stupid to save any money in the past when tax revenues were high. Many have asked for emergency bailout money from the federal government and have received a sypathetic ear almost everywhere.

Today governor Patterson of New York proposed a new budget that only increased 1% over last year! Glorious Revolution!!! I'm completely out of money so I'm just increasing what I spend by 1%. In a state where everything is regulated, taxed, incentivized and ueber-liberal, there will now be 88 new fees and/or taxes for those cash-strapped New Yarkers.

Some include an "iPod tax" that charges state and local sales tax for "digitally delivered entertainment services", State sales tax at movie theaters, sporting events, taxis, buses, limousines and cable and satellite TV and radio, costlier driving with the repeal of the 8-cents-per-gallon sales tax cap on motor and diesel motor fuel, plus and increase in the auto rental tax, tuition increases at state colleges, a 50 cent tax on cigars, no more sales tax break on clothes and shoes worth $110 or less, except during two weeks a year, higher taxes on wine, beer and flavored malt beverages. He would also impose an 18% tax on non-nutritional drinks like soda. The rich would pay more for luxury items through an additional 5% tax imposed on cars costing more than $60,000, aircraft costing more than $500,000, yachts costing at least $200,000 and jewelry and furs costing in excess of $20,000. In addition, a host of a fees, including those related to motor vehicle licensing and registration, parks and auto insurance, would go up, as would various state-imposed fines. Source here.

Glorious Revolution has obtained an exclusive copy of Republiliberal Governor Arnold Scharzenegger's notes for a news conference tomorrow and I have taken the liberty of posting them here. With both of my readers, this should help get the word out.

Fellow Citizens of the Great State of California, (to be read in an Austrian accent)

The following steps will be used to help ease the pain of the state checkbook.

1. Christmas lights-They are a waste of energy and a source of marital divisiveness. Christmas is an offensive Christian holiday anyway not celebrated by most progressives in California or at least not in the Bay Area.

2. Public television-Under the current tax code, too much valuable entertainment such as "Celtic Woman" and "Riverdance" has been given away for free for too long for those willing to watch the telethon commercials.

3. Drive In's-Old fashioned hamburgers and shakes have to be double taxed. If you want to enjoy them you will be paying dearly. They fatten you first of all and second of all, if you eat in your car you will be polluting the environment. "Idling eaters" would be ticketed.

4. Mini-Vans-This is an indirect tax on large families-Specifically bigoted "Pro-8" Mormon families. They are over-populating our already stressed planet with religious children and a mini-van tax should curb their overactive libidos. At least until the economy is back on track.

5. Carpet in General-Carpet is a petroleum product and contributes to the overall demise of mankind and must have a tax levied against it to promote eco-friendly floors such as dirt and bamboo.

6. Roast Beef-regular Glorious Revolution readers already know how much pollution those darn cows make.

7. Toilet Tax-Private johns will be taxed by the flush to deter water wasters and help with recent pay increases to the local sanitation workers union. Toilet paper will be extra. Citizens are counseled to compost their own waste and use it for composting home grown salsa gardens.

8. Fruit and Vegetable Tax-for those who don't heed afore-mentioned waste composting counsel.

9. Running Water tax-civilizations did without it for thousands of years and it didn't kill them...oh wait....

10. Grass Tax-any citizen with more than 10 square feet of lawn for their dog to do it's business on will be taxed at a rate of $5 per square foot per month until the grass dies and is replaced by xero-scaping.

11. Mail tax-this has been a service provided by the federal government but we are still going to tax it. It will still be available for those who really need it.

Hey at least we're not infringing upon the rights of i-pod owners like NY!! That's ridiculous.
Scary because you know some might actually be tried!


Carlee Hoopes said...

Holy. Crap. I was actually having a pretty relaxing evening until I read this. Thanks Kirk.

Kirk and Carin Chugg said...

Thank you reader number one. I'm sorry I was the source of your discomfort. I was hoping someone that doesn't understand my sense of humor would pick this up and put it on the drudge report as real news. Just be glad you don't live in a ueber liberal state...or each google chat might become taxed as electronic media communication. Then you and reader number 2 would never talk.

Ryan said...

Brilliant! And, for the record, you have at least 3 readers. I've been sick for the past 10 days, foregoing entertainment in any form for sleep instead. So I apologize for not commenting on your past few entertaining posts.